So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
