So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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