You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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