he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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