I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
