I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
