Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
