Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
