if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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