Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
