hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
