Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My life is pants optional.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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