FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
