"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
