What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
