but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
