In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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