Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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