I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
