Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
