She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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