I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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