Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
