we made out on top of his cat.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
