Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
