you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
