y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
