So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
