Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
