So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Randomize
