I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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