am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
