very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
