True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
