More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there was a trapeze. enough said
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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