Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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