I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
