dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this is an emotional support booty call
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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