I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
