this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
