Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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