Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
