Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
