MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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