I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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