I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
