And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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