I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
