Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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