It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
