How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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