Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
